saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
