I heard we made out
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
