Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
