About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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