Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
