After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he thought i was a dude.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
