Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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