How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
