i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize