it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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