WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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