I seem to have left my pride at pride
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
