My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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