u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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