We won't sleep together?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
