im about as happy as oj after his trial
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
