My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
