If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
