New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize