Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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