The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
