I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
