i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
