Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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