literally had 100 drinks last night.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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