Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He shit in the fireplace
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
