Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
