Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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