Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
