a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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