dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize