dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
