he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
