you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
