She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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