the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
