im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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