Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I am one with the molecules
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
