i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize