They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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