Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
