So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
