I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize