In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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