I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
