Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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