We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
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