Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
