Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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