You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
