There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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