when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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