just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
