writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize