girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
