I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
