I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
