thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize