So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
