why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize