Welp...herpes.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
