whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
