Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
