you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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