Will you blow on my dice?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
