The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
