Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
